When we talk, our words are only half the story. Our body language—those little gestures, postures, and facial expressions—tends to say more than our verbal communications. Whether you’re at the office, with friends, or in a romantic relationship, mastering body language can change the way others see you and how well you relate to them.
The Power of Positive Body Language
Positive body language is a magnet—it attracts individuals, creates trust, and communicates respect. Picture yourself having a meeting at work or talking with a friend. Small gestures can be very powerful.
For instance, open hands pointing upwards convey honesty and transparency. In the past, it was a sign that you carried no arms, and today, it informs you’re available to talk. Being straight with an open posture conveys confidence and self-assurance and puts others at ease to approach you.
Eye contact is also a good tool. If you’re looking at someone when you’re talking to them, it shows you care and are confident. But balance it out—too much gazing may be dominating, while avoiding eye contact altogether may be disrespectful. Occasional eye contact when talking and sustained eye contact when listening can achieve the perfect balance.
Even slight movements like nodding or tilting your head can send the message of attentiveness and respect. A nod signifies concurrence or acknowledgment, while a slight head tilt indicates you’re diligently paying attention to what is being said. And, as a natural occurrence, a genuine smile can light up the experience, showing warmth, benevolence, and affability.
The Dangers of Negative Body Language
On the other hand, negative body language can inadvertently erect walls in relationships. Crossing your arms, for example, can seem like a comfortable position, but it will generally be taken as defensive or closed. Fidgeting with your fingers or feet, as well, can indicate impatience or boredom and make the other person feel less important.
Avoiding eye contact can be particularly painful. It can suggest that you’re hiding something or just not interested, and this can kill trust. And while frowning can be a reflexive reaction to hard thinking or concentration, it can be misinterpreted all too easily as disapproval or annoyance.
Even how you sit with your legs impacts. Crossing them at the ankles or knees during a conversation can be read as insecurity or unease, especially if your legs are crossed away from the person you are speaking to.
Navigating Communication Traps
Beyond body language, the way we speak can also unintentionally alienate others. Have you ever been accused of sounding condescending, even when you didn’t mean to? It’s a common issue, especially when we feel more knowledgeable or experienced than the person we’re addressing.
One of the major pitfalls is tone of voice. It is all right to adopt a commanding tone when issuing orders, but to mitigate this with upward intonation like “Okay?” or “Right?” is to be insecure—or worse, patronizing. Adopt instead a firm but affable tone that leaves the door open for discussion.
Deep breathing can assist as well. Stress or tension can alter your voice, placing an unintended edge on it that can sound dismissive or superior. Staying calm and centered guarantees your tone is respectful.
Yet another secret is to presuppose intelligence rather than ignorance. Because an individual does not understand something, it does not follow that they are unintelligent. They can simply lack context or experience with your lingo. Talking simply and accessibly can plug the gaps and eliminate confusion.
Facial expression is equally important. To cross your eyes, smirk, or look down your nose silently conveys contempt or superiority. Even if your tone of voice is polite, your face may betray your actual opinion.
Finally, watch your attitude. If you have an attitude of superiority, it will get into the conversation. Remember that all people have strengths and weaknesses and that having an attitude of curiosity and respect is a big plus.
Acceptance in Relationships
In romantic partnerships, shame about a partner’s actions can be particularly challenging. Most women, for instance, are embarrassed when their husbands act in ways that they perceive as socially clumsy or inappropriate. But trying to “fix” your partner usually boomerangs and leads to resentment and conflict.
Criticism, though tempting, seldom produces positive outcomes. Rather, concentrating on praise can quietly promote the behaviors you appreciate. For instance, praising your partner on a thoughtful remark or a generous act can build their confidence and encourage more of the same.
Oftentimes, the best strategy is acceptance. Understanding that your partner’s idiosyncrasies are a part of who they are—and divorcing their behavior from your own self-concept—can enable you to handle public situations with dignity. A forbearing smile or a good-natured demeanor can communicate to others that you’re at ease and self-assured, even if your partner’s behavior is not perfect.
Eventually, either by way of body language, tone, or state of mind, the secret to healthier connections is comprehending and accepting yourself as well as others. By getting it right on those subtle signs, you are able to establish trust, rapport, and lasting connections.
More for you:
Examples of Positive and Negative Body Language
5 Communication Traps that Make You Sound Condescending
“I’m Embarrassed by My Husband”
7 Trusted Tips For Giving Humble Feedback