Building a strong and healthy relationship typically starts with the simplest: the right questions. Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, there’s always something new to discover about each other. Good, interesting questions can develop conversations that reveal hidden stories, dreams, and even quirks you didn’t know you had.
Relationship therapists note that “real, honest conversations have the power to change relationships.” By talking about matters that are light to deeply intimate, you leave space for empathy, humor, and closeness. The following are a carefully chosen set of questions meant to make you closer to your partner and taken from decades of therapeutic practice and real-world application.
Learning of Daily Delights and Rituals
Other times, it’s the small things in one’s daily life which are most revealing. Interrogating things such as, “What’s your favorite time of day and why?” or “What raises you up when you’re down?” will inform you of what really gets your partner going. Likewise, inquiring about habits, positive or negative, can be a great icebreaker. For example, “If you could break one bad habit, what would it be?” or “What’s a habit you’re glad you’ve broken?”
These questions not only ask you to learn about your partner’s strengths and weaknesses, but also that you respond to them yourself.
Dreams, Ambitions, and Aspirations
Conversations about the future are a great way of aligning your desires and inspiring each other’s dreams. Asking questions like, “What are some of your dreams for the next year?” or “What is something you have never tried but you are thinking of doing before you die?” can lead to excited conversations about what is important to both of you.
You have the option to ask, what are some of your lifetime goals?” or “If you could choose your own challenges in life, what would you keep and what would you change?” These are questions that stimulate reflection and can help you figure out how your partner perceives challenges and development in life.
Nostalgia and Personal Accounts
We all possess a treasure of memories that have transformed them into the persons they are today. Learn about your partner’s history by inquiring from him or her questions such as, “What was your first employment, and how did it go for you?” or “What is one of your most cherished holiday memories?” These tales have surprises and joyous moments that get you closer.
You can also access their childhood aspirations by inquiring, “What was the job you always wanted to do when you were a child?” or find unexpected talents with, “What is something you’ve ever made or done that you’re proud of?”
Light-Hearted Humor and Quirks
Not everything has to be serious. You can have fun with light questions that bring laughter and demonstrate your playful personality. For example, “What’s the most adventurous or weird thing you’ve ever eaten for dinner?” or “Who would you prefer to have dinner with if you could have dinner with anybody living?”
Ask them about their preferences by posing, “What do you prefer for dessert?” or “What’s your ideal night out?” These are light questions but can be wonderful windows into each other’s habits and tastes.
Deep Reflections and Values
For when you want to go deeper, ask questions related to personal values and philosophies. Ask, “What’s your life motto?” or “Do you think everyone should be forgiven?” These types of questions have the potential to generate interesting discussions about what motivates your partner and how he or she perceives the world.
You can also ask them to open up about their fears and weaknesses by posing questions like, “How has fear impacted you?” or “What’s something you keep doing again and again?” These questions require trust and vulnerability but can lead to profound insight and bonding.
Shared Laughter and Top Things
Any relationship that works is built on laughter. Find out what your partner laughs at by asking, “Who are some comedians that you like, and what do you laugh at about them?” or “What is the greatest compliment you’ve ever heard?”
You can also bond through shared interests by asking, “What’s one movie you could watch forever and ever?” or “What’s your favorite song, and why?” These questions place you in a good mood and provide you with something in common.
Building a Legacy of Connection
Baking these questions into your daily or weekly routine might just be the relationship game-changer your relationship will be grateful for. Whether it’s an evening in or a road trip, these questions provide the chance to learn, laugh, and grow together. As one relationship coach described it, “The beauty of these questions is that they have the ability to provoke deep conversations that go beyond superficial social exchange.” By slowing down to ask—and listening for real—you’re investing in a richer, deeper connection with your partner.
So the next time you need to break the ice, try one of these questions. Who knows what stories, pieces of wisdom, and emotions will arise.