Have you ever noticed that some kids rebound fast after a tough moment, while others get nervous, feel worthless, or even get depressed? The biggest part of the difference depends really on parenting. The way children are raised is not just a parenting “style” slogan–it’s an “emotional world” that kids get their feelings, learn to cope, and have “mental health that lasts.”
Scientists, who over time and in different cultures, have identified the characteristics of parental stereotypes. These are: strict authoritarian (closed, dominating, low warmth), open authoritative (caring, rights and duties well-defined, high warmth), indulging permissive (loving but with very little discipline), and neglecting (physically and emotionally completely separated). Each of these is shown in the child’s development, but the extent of influence is what really matters, especially in the modern world.
For example, we can consider the case of intrusive and overprotective parents. Apparently, they are a devoted unit that loves the child more than anything else. But the opposite is true, according to findings by researchers. Girls, in fact, are particularly vulnerable. Excessive monitoring, very strict rules, and few chances for freedom can grind down children’s self-esteem. They do not become self-confident but instead feel that they are not capable of overcoming problems alone, and even more, they believe that the world is full of dangers rather than being a safe place for them.
And this is not limited to academic stress. Overprotective parenting can harm a child’s self-concept—their understanding of who they are and what they can do. If parents micromanage each decision, children lose out on problem-solving, risk-taking, and learning from errors. This can result in brittle self-esteem and something psychologists refer to as psychological inflexibility: a stiff, fearful mindset that makes it difficult to weather setbacks.
Intrusive parenting doesn’t only produce anxious children—it can also ignite rebellion, disobedience, or a desperate urge to control. Some children rebel, act out, or shut down emotionally as a mechanism to regain autonomy. Others internalize the message that they’ll never be good enough, which can drive perfectionism, critical self-talk, and in extreme forms, self-injury.
The parenting styles are not all equally dangerous. The authoritative one—being caring, organized, and open—has the most positive outcomes as a rule. Parents who are authoritative not only set definite requirements, but also encourage freedom, give reasons for their rules, and really listen to their children. This equilibrium allows kids to develop self-esteem, regulate feelings, and bounce back from hardships. Their chances of academic success, emotional well-being, and forming loving and supportive relationships are the most probable.
One of the biggest influences here is emotional warmth. As parents show affection, validate their child’s emotions, and establish an atmosphere where there is open discussion, children grow up with a strong sense of self-worth. That sense of self-worth is an armour against stress, anxiety, and even bullying. Children who have a positive sense of self-worth are also more resilient and better able to manage life’s ups and downs.
Coping skills also usually start at home. Children don’t acquire them magically—the way they learn to cope with stress is by observing their parents. When parents support problem-solving, allow natural consequences to occur, and assist children in reframing failure as a learning experience, children develop into more resilient adults.
Social support is also an important factor in the equation. Children who feel understood at home are more likely to approach friends, teachers, or mentors for help. On the contrary, children who are raised in very controlling environments are not able to build up their self-confidence and social skills to the extent that they become able to get help when needed, thus they become more vulnerable to bullying. Research has revealed that too much parental control may even limit a child’s autonomy and isolate him/her from social life, and in this way, the children become more prone to victimization.
Besides, culture and gender are also factors to consider. In some families, academic success is so prioritized that the pressure can be easily mistaken for support. Girls, in particular, may more likely be the ones under such a heavy load, as they quite often experience more tension and emotional distress when subjected to overprotective parenting.
So, what is the secret to raising resilient, mentally tough children? Balance. Kids require guidance, structure, and boundaries—but equally important, they require the room to make mistakes, figure things out, and find their own agency. Open, honest communication fosters trust and confidence. Granting children age-permitting risks, allowing them to experience natural consequences, and permitting them to be themselves without judgment enables them to become confident, resilient grown-ups.
Parenting doesn’t involve shaping children into some ideal. It’s more gardening—creating the proper conditions, support, and care to allow each child to grow in their own way. With the right combination of warmth, structure, and respect for autonomy, parents can raise children who aren’t just resilient but also mentally equipped to face whatever life sends their way.