Bringing home a new baby is one of the most life-altering experiences. Overnight, your days are filled with joy, worry, and a constant stream of supportive relatives looking to meet the newest member.
What once seemed like friendly advice or dropped-in visits now feels intrusive. Dr. Ashurina Ream, founder of Psyched Mommy, says this conflict often arises from our backgrounds and narratives we tell ourselves about conflict and people-pleasing. Most of us have been conditioned to prioritize others, particularly in families where harmony is more important than honest and open communication.
Here’s the thing: establishing boundaries isn’t about closing people out and being selfish. It’s about taking care of yourself and defending the space in which you need to connect with your baby and heal. Dr. Ream clarifies that boundary-setting is an internal process—it’s learning to stand healthy conflict and uncomfortable feelings instead of avoiding them. By not setting boundaries, resentment and passive-aggressive tactics can accumulate and eventually destroy relationships more than a temporary moment of discomfort ever would.
So, how do you begin? The first step is to listen to your own needs. You might have imagined a house full of guests, but now entertaining sounds so draining. It’s acceptable to change your mind and have boundaries shift as you settle into parenthood. Early and clear communication is essential—don’t wait until tempers flare. One mother described that she phoned her in-laws months ahead of her delivery to inform them she’d rather they stay elsewhere following the birth. The discussion wasn’t straightforward, but it spared everyone a great deal of stress.
Setting expectations up front makes all the difference. Whether it’s restricting the number of visitors, establishing visiting hours, or requesting family members to help with household duties rather than simply babysitting, clarity keeps everyone on the same page. Scripts can be a godsend. Plain, straightforward statements such as “We’re really glad to have you here, but we do need everyone to wash his or her hands before picking up the baby,” or “We’re doing things in this manner because it is best for us as a family,” can convey your expectations without being perceived as offensive.
Don’t hesitate to involve your partner, especially if talking to their side of the family feels challenging. Sometimes, having your partner take the lead as the “bad cop” can relieve pressure and ensure your boundaries are respected. And if a particular family member is especially difficult, consider getting outside support, like a postpartum doula, to help manage visits and reinforce your wishes.
It’s also worth remembering that not everybody is the same as your relatives or your grandparents. You might feel more at ease with your parents than with your in-laws, and that’s fine. You don’t have to divide time in half or try to make everyone happy. Just do what will work best for you and your baby.
Boundaries are the guardrails that enable everyone to move through new roles and relationships. Most family members aren’t attempting to overstep—they just don’t know what you require unless you communicate it. By being transparent about your limits, you’re creating a ground of trust, respect, and healthy long-term relationships—not only with your family, but also with your child.
Allow yourself to put your needs first. Be honest, begin small if you must, and keep in mind: you’re the parent, and you get to call the shots on what’s best for your family. The grace you seek from others is the same grace you can give yourself when things get complicated. You’ve got this.