The experiences—adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs—are impactful in shaping somebody’s life in ways that reach far into adulthood. ACEs are more common than most of us realize. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention state that approximately 64% of American adults have had at least one type of ACE by the time they turn 18. Nearly one in six adults has had four or more. These experiences range from neglect and abuse to exposure to violence, having one parent with substance abuse or mental illness, or growing up in a family characterized by instability. These experiences, the CDC says, can disrupt a child’s sense of safety, stability, and relationship—cornerstones of healthy development. And the effects carry over well into adulthood, resurfacing later in life as higher risks of depression, heart disease, substance abuse, and other chronic health issues.
Physical abuse or neglect may leave clear signs, but emotional neglect is harder to detect. According to the Blue Knot Foundation, emotional neglect can go unnoticed because it doesn’t leave behind outward marks. Even loving parents can be emotionally neglectful by accident if they cannot listen to their child’s emotions or needs. Those children will grow up detached from their feelings, uncertain of what they need, and even thinking that they don’t deserve to have those needs. This type of quiet hurt can make it more difficult to form healthy relationships or self-care later on in life.
The idea of toxic stress can help illustrate why such early experiences have such a lasting impact. When children are exposed to persistent adversity with insufficient support, their stress systems can be overactivated. The CDC defines toxic stress as prolonged stress that interferes with brain development, compromises the immune system, and makes it more difficult for the body to regulate itself. Cumulatively, it impacts focus, learning, and decision-making. Physiologically, chronic stress locks the body into survival mode, diverting energy from growth, digestion, and reproduction.
The consequences of ACEs extend beyond health. Children who have multiple ACEs are more likely to have trouble in school, experience challenges in maintaining stable employment, and face issues in their adult relationships. The Annie E. Casey Foundation points out that although children in single-parent homes tend to be more vulnerable, the actual problems contributing to poor outcomes are poverty, stress in parents, and a lack of protective factors—not family structure. What makes the difference is strong, stable relationships and care environments that can assist children in recovering and flourishing.
Recovery from childhood trauma is possible, but it requires awareness, patience, and empathy. The Blue Knot Foundation recommends that adults who experienced emotional neglect as children can heal by learning to recognize and label their emotions, understanding their needs, and countering the old dictum that they do not deserve attention or care. Practicing self-compassion—treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a child—can be a powerful step.
The journey from suffering to healing is not easy, but knowing where the pain originates may be the breakthrough. By recognizing these unseen wounds, we can then get to work on shattering injurious patterns and forging more healthy, resilient lives—not just for ourselves, but for those generations that follow us.