Let’s have an honest conversation about sex, fertility, and pregnancy. There’s a wealth of information out there—some useful, some completely off-base. If you’re trying to get pregnant, already pregnant, or simply wondering how it all happens, here’s what’s true (and what isn’t).
Sex and Fertility: Dispelling the Rumors
How frequently should you have intercourse when you’re trying to get pregnant?
Forget the suggestion that you “save up” sperm by having less sex. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine claims that daily ejaculation won’t harm sperm quality, and skipping a couple of days won’t have an impact, either. Waiting too long—five days or more—may decrease sperm quality. It’s not how frequently you’re having sex that matters, but when. The timing near your fertile window is what matters.
Knowing ovulation
You’ve likely been told that ovulation occurs on day 14 of your cycle—but that’s only an estimate. All women’s cycles are different. The fertile window lasts the six days before ovulation, with the two or three days prior being your best bet. Ovulation predictor kits can aid in identifying those critical days by detecting the hormone surge that indicates ovulation.
Do sex positions count?
Not exactly. Sperm are quick travelers and will arrive at the cervix in seconds, regardless of position. So no need to twist and turn or do anything too complicated—do what you both like and feel comfortable.
Should you lie down after sex to assist conception?
It’s a popular notion, but no, lying down won’t increase your odds. Sperm can travel quite efficiently where they need to go. And yes, it’s okay to pee afterwards.
What about lubricants?
You don’t need a special fertility lubricant to conceive, but if you’re dealing with vaginal dryness, using one is okay. Look for options that contain hydroxyethyl cellulose or try something simple like mineral or canola oil. When in doubt, check with your doctor.
Do female orgasms help with conception?
Orgasms are wonderful, but they won’t make you more likely to become pregnant. More critical is cervical mucus—when your mucus is clear and stretchy, that means your body is ready to get pregnant.
Do you feel pregnant immediately after sex?
No way. It takes a couple of days for sperm to penetrate an egg, and a few more days for implantation. Most women won’t have symptoms even after a week or two.
Does age alter how you’d have sex to become pregnant?
Your method won’t need to be altered, yet fertility lessens by age, particularly after 35. If you’re wondering how many eggs you have, hormone tests such as FSH and AMH can provide some insight into your fertility level.
Does family history play a role?
Having a big family doesn’t mean you’ll get pregnant easily. Genetics are only part of the equation—factors like your health, age, and lifestyle all play a role.
When is it time to see a fertility doctor?
If you’re under 35 and have been trying for a year without success, it’s time to talk to a specialist. If you’re over 35, check in after six months. If you’re 40 or older, don’t wait—get evaluated sooner.
Sex During Pregnancy: What’s Safe, What’s Not, and What to Expect
Is sex safe while pregnant?
Yes, unless your physician says otherwise. In most pregnancies, sex is completely safe. Your baby is nicely shielded by the uterus, the amniotic fluid, and a plug of mucus at the cervix.
Can sex hurt the baby or cause miscarriage?
Nope. Sex doesn’t cause miscarriage. A little spotting may occur because of extra blood flow in the area, but heavy bleeding should be investigated by your OB-GYN.
Will sex induce labor?
Unless your body is already preparing for labor. In the third trimester, semen has prostaglandins that may help loosen the cervix, but sex will not induce premature labor in a normal pregnancy.
How will sex feel when pregnant?
It varies—your sex drive may be more, less, or unchanged. All normal. As your stomach grows, some sex positions may become complicated. Try being on your side, sitting on the edge of the bed, or being on top to remain comfortable. Steer clear of anything that presses on your belly or feels off balance.
Do I need to continue using protection?
Yes, if you’re not in a monogamous relationship. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed to the baby, so using condoms is still important.
What about oral or anal sex?
Oral sex is generally safe—just make sure your partner doesn’t blow air into your vagina, which can be dangerous. Anal sex is also an option if it feels comfortable, but go slow and be mindful of hygiene.
Can I have a hot tub during pregnancy?
Skip the hot tubs and saunas. Hot temperatures can be bad news, particularly early in pregnancy, and put you at risk for overheating or infection.
Consult your doctor
Seriously—ask anything. No question is too strange or embarrassing. Your OB-GYN has heard it all and is there to make you feel safe and informed.
Period Sex: Messy, but Safe
Having sex while you’re on your period is safe as long as you’re not against it. The biggest con? It can be messy, particularly if you have a heavy flow. Some individuals also tend to feel embarrassed, and this may influence how much fun it’s going to be.
There is a slightly increased risk of transmitting or contracting diseases like HIV when having period sex because menstrual blood can be contaminated with the virus. Condoms lower this risk.
And a fast reminder: if you use tampons, be sure to take them out before having sex. A forgotten tampon can get pushed up and may have to be removed by a doctor.
Pregnancy Tips That Help
There are plenty of regulations regarding pregnancy, but not all that you hear is scientifically supported. Exercise typically works—prenatal yoga or swimming can help with balance and alleviate back pain. Nutrition counts as well. Ensure that you are consuming adequate calcium, vitamin D, and vitamin B12 (particularly if you are a vegetarian).
Be careful with drugs. Some of the over-the-counter ones are okay, but others aren’t, so always check with your doctor or pharmacist. As we said before, steer clear of hot tubs and saunas because you could overheat, and that would cause problems.
Skip the booze and recreational drugs during pregnancy. Although it may be viewed as innocuous, caffeine is sometimes implicated in pregnancy loss, so it’s a good idea to limit it. Artificial sweeteners are still being researched, but preliminary research indicates that they may have an impact on your child’s long-term health.
Sex, pregnancy, and fertility may be intimidating, but when you dispel the myths, things tend to be much simpler—and a whole lot nicer—than you realize.